Ramblings...

Welcome back everybody. Let's see who fed it and who ate it this week...

Thanks to everyone for their positive feedback on "The Big Goodbye" and I'm sorry to those of you who started crying while reading it...

Why didn't I bring a porn star to my Senior Prom? Something like that is legendary. What was wrong with me for not thinking of this sooner? And why the hell am I thinking about it now, 4 years later? Instead, I have to plan on doing this for my 20-year reunion...

Everybody is coming out with porn star names. Ryan (The Mad Mexican) is using Dildo T. Baggins. Jay has chosen Pee-Wee Sperman. For a while, Sami was going with "The Loadman," but now he wishes to be known as Fellatio del Toro. I'm still trying to decide on mine, but I think it will be something along the lines of Reginald Longfellow or Bagger Pantsless...

I've always wanted to make people laugh, and after dropping my resume tape off to WTEN, I'm sure that they spent the 10 minutes they were watching it in tears...

I left Boston on a Friday. Dan and Sami had one of the most amazing nights I've heard of the Saturday right after. They began by knocking down a few blue bowls at Cactus Club. The blue bowl taste is indescribable...it's kinda like a boozed up Hawaiian punch, but you can't taste the alcohol. To quote Drunken Sami, "It tastes like blue." Steve bet them that they couldn't drink it in under 15 seconds. They did, followed by a few more. Afterwards, they went to Whiskey's with Matt and Hammer and two well-endowed friends where they drank more. Later, they saw a four-on-four street brawl in the middle of Boylston Street on their way to Daisy Buchanan's. At Daisy's, they saw Jeremy Roenick and his gaggle of hotties just hanging out. And they capped off the night by playing poker until 4 AM. I think on that Saturday, I fell asleep on my couch watching whatever shit was on HBO. I miss Boston and the Goodfellas...

Dan and I were talking about how if we had the means (i.e. shitload of money), we'd buy the Dugout, renovate it, and turn it into a hotspot on campus. If there's one thing that Dan and I know, it's what makes a good bar. Imagine "The Dujeau" being a popular hangout. Plus, we'd never really have to leave BU. Please contact me if you have money for this endeavor, especially if you're not concerned with getting any of it back...

Applying for jobs around home goes against everything I've said about getting out while I'm young. So if I get a TV job back here, all I want out of it is to be recognized by Hooters girls when I go for a beer and wings. I think that's about as good as things could get around here. And once I tell them that I live with my parents...that'll seal the deal...

Best of luck to everyone heading back for another year at BU...

After you graduate from BU, you have a few months and they kill off your e-mail account. The Alumni Department allows you to set up an account for e-mail forwarding, but it's still a bitch to swap all your contacts and transfer any saved messages over, etc. The best part of the Alumni e-mail they sent out was when they say how "most of you will already have a new e-mail address provided by your employer." Yeah, everybody except for the broke-ass, unemployed COM Graduates who can't get jobs because of all the shit-ass COM equipment we were forced to use. Assholes...

All that's left of me at BU now are empty barstools and memories...

Song of the Moment: Dropkick Murphys, "Bastards on Parade," Blackout, 2003
So come all you losers, you bastards and cheats,
Vagrants and barflies out in the street.
Follow the path to salvation, vindication awaits.
We're marching on East Broadway Street tonight...

Today I was watching The Godfather. One of the funniest scenes in that movie has to be the 30 seconds during the wedding where the old man who can barely stand up is singing the song in Italian. No idea what it translates out to, but it's just so damn funny. On a side note, I think that whenever DeVita gets married, it'll look something like that. Except instead of going to the office to ask the Don for a favor, everyone will be sneaking away to play poker...

Fuck the FCC! Stern still rules...

The 2004 Olympics are in the books. A stellar job by the US Men's Basketball team, if I may say so myself. What a bunch of fuckin hacks. They lose to Puerto Rico, and Team Captain (and resident thug/HNIC) Allen Iverson says that it's ok, and they've just gotta regroup. It's ok?? It's the third US Men's Basketball loss in 70 years! It's not just OK. What a Goddamned disgrace. Every member of that team should be shot, castrated and refused entry back into the US. And another thing...it's time to end all the "Dream Team" bullshit. There was one fucking Dream Team, and they played when I was 10 years old. Jordan, Bird, Magic, Barkley...they averaged 33 points more than every other team. And I know that the Euros are playing more hoop now, but still, what a fucking sham. No more "Dream Teams." When I think of a Dream Team, I want to think of Michael Jordan and Larry Bird, not fucking Amare Stoudamire and Dwayne Wade. And by the way, you know that if there wasn't a black guy on the team, it'd be racism...but no white guys? That's just basketball...

There's all this talk around sports about steroids. First it was Major League Baseball, now the Olympics. Why hasn't anyone talked about testing Women's Tennis? I mean, seriously, the Williams sisters are looking manly enough that Eddie Murphy is starting to get interested. But then again, he'll probably just claim he was giving them a ride home...

Rumor has it that Kobe Bryant has asked OJ Simpson to help him find the real rapist...

The Random Shout Out goes to Steve, the owner and operator of T's Pub, who gave me one of those really awesome black polos that all the bartenders wear. I guess he figured that maybe I deserved it, considering that I spent nearly enough to put his daughter through a year of college...

Something I'm getting tired of: political parties. The Democrats hate the Republicans, and the Republicans loathe the Democrats. Everyone is bitching about something. "It's the liberal media." "Peace is patriotic." Everybody shut the fuck up. Quit complaining. Neither side is right. You're both fucking wrong. The sooner that you realize this, the better off you are. Now quit bitching and work together to try and figure something out...

Rads brought up a great idea for the 2008 election: imagine having Morgan Freeman and Samuel L. Jackson as running mates. Seriously, what other candidate wouldn't be scared shitless of Samuel L? "Fuck you, motherfucker! I ain't gotta do shit about Social Security. And no I can't stop yelling, 'cause that's how I talk! Ain't you never seen none of my movies?!"

On a related topic, I think that there needs to be a few Samuel L. Jackson DVD collections released. They could have two sets: his pre-Pulp Fiction "I only play crackheads" movies, and his post-Pulp Fiction "I am a troubled individual, sometimes militant, but trying to do the right thing" movies. One end you get movies like Coming To America, Juice, Menace II Society, and GoodFellas...the other you get Die Hard: With a Vengeance, A Time To Kill, Changing Lanes and 187. And then there's the "Samuel L. Jackson Sci-Fi Collection" with hits like Star Wars I and II, Jurassic Park, and Deep Blue Sea. But you could also have a set with his military-like roles, such as Patriot Games, The Negotiator, XXX, and S.W.A.T. Let's also not forget his Quentin Tarantino films such as Pulp Fiction, Jackie Brown, and Kill Bill 1 and 2. And I still maintain there needs to be a 2, maybe 3 disc Special Edition of The Great White Hype. That movie deserves a set all to itself...

But then again, what do I know?