Happy 22nd, Nick...

There are 3 events in my life that I will always remember where I was when they occurred: the September 11th attacks, Aaron Boone's Game 7 home run, and the death of my best friend. The third is the only one I think about every day.

Today would have been Nick's 22nd birthday, so I thought it only fitting to write a little about him here. This morning, I was talking with my friend Kathryn and we agreed that you can't sum up Nick in one favorite story or moment. He wasn't like that. He wasn't all one thing or another. It was a bunch of small jokes and stories and moments and actions that build and create his memory.

There were all the times that he would make you smile because he knew you were sad. And there were the times he made you laugh for no reason at all. The other day I was thinking about finals week during our freshman year of high school. One afternoon, I was trying to call Nick and see how his Earth Science final had gone. There was no answer at the other end. I tried a few more time, but still, no answer. When I finally got in touch with him late that night, I said, "Where the hell were you today?" He said to me, "I was here, but I was afraid to answer the phone. I thought it was Mrs. Farina telling me that I had to take Earth Science all over again."

I remember all the card shows we used to attend. I remember all those summer days spent at Saratoga, and I remember his luck. I remember our golf and tennis matches with bragging rights on the line. I remember our last semester of senior year, taking that Godawful marketing class. I remember all the times he pissed off the librarians. I remember the Senior Prom...to this day, that picture of Nick, Cliff and myself hangs over my desk. I remember all the times that he could make me laugh and smile, by burying his own pride and being the clown.

I regret not having a chance to see him during the summer of '01. I feel sad knowing that I was never really able to say "goodbye." But I feel a tremendous sense of honor and pride knowing that I was able to serve as a pallbearer and deliver his eulogy.

I've learned that it's futile to ask why Nick had to go. There is no answer to the question "Why not take me instead of him?" no matter how many times I ask. But I still do, hoping that one day it'll all make sense.

Nick, I wish you were still around so we could follow that vision you had: you and me, fat and 40 years old, bringing our own families to Yankee Stadium. I wish you were around to make the days brighter and so all of your friends could see you again. I wish you were still here to help me through the tough times as only you could, and impart that sage wisdom that I took for granted.

You were young and at the top of your game when you were taken away. I hope that you have a Happy 22nd, wherever you might be. I hope that someday your family and all of your friends will be able to find some solace. I hope that I can live a good enough life to someday see you again when it's all said and done.

I miss you, Kid. Take care of yourself up there...