Ramblings...

Good evening everybody.  Thanks for coming out tonight.  Let's take a look at what's going on...  
 
Last Wednesday, Dan, Sami and I played some wiffleball HR Derby at the BU Beach.  I had to pull out midway through the contest with a right shoulder and middle back injury.  It's sad when you reach the day that you think you've torn a rotator cuff playing wiffleball.  If I was a thoroughbred, they'd have shot me by now.
 
Speaking of horses, one week from today marks Opening Day for the Saratoga Race Track.  With all the bullshit of the DNC around Boston, I plan on being home for my 5th consecutive Opening Day.  It's bittersweet thinking this could be my last time walking in on that first Wednesday of the six-week meet, as I'm supposed to be entering the work force, probably someplace far from home, never again to hear Tom Durkin start the first race at 1:05 with an "Annnnnnnnnnnnnd they're off at Saratoga!"
 
Within 4 days, I saw both Terry Francona and Howie Day at the bar.  I didn't speak with either of them.  There's really nothing else to say about this.
 
Moving along, I read Jay Mohr's new book Gasping for Airtime about his two seasons spent on Saturday Night Live.  Although I've never really been a huge fan of his comedy, Mohr tells some really interesting stories about the shit he had to go through on SNL.  Some of it sounds like sour grapes...many of you may not even realize that he was on the show.  That's because he really wasn't too much.  But there's some great stories about the cast members:  Chris Farley shitting out Mohr's 17th floor office window...Adam Sandler's story from his days on Mr. Belvedere, when Mr. B sat down on his balls and had to be carried out on a stretcher...Rob Schneider inspecting all of his sushi...all the band rehearsals he saw...there's really some great stuff in there.  This book shows not only how he was able to get on SNL, but the inner workings and schedule of how the show writing and planning runs.  And you get to hear about Mr. Belvedere sitting on his balls (I'm sorry for the double mention, but that story had me laughing so hard I was crying).
 
Two comedians who need to go:  Bill Maher and Wanda Sykes.  Whoever said these people were funny should be fucking shot.  And no more Jamie Foxx hosting the ESPYs.  If I hear him sing about Serena fucking Williams one more time, heads are gonna roll.  Look, we all get it.  It wasn't funny the first time.  Move the fuck along.
 
I came to the conclusion a long time ago that too many Major League Baseball teams have too many fucking uniforms.  Chicago and New York have a home and an away.  That's it.  All these teams need fucking "alternate" uniforms, and then a "Sunday" uniform, and all this bullshit.  Pick a fucking color and stick with it.  The Mets have 5 unis.  5!  I understand that your catcher is a fudgepacker and all, but please, there's no need for 5 fucking uniforms.  And when the hell did all these teams find the need for black uniforms.  The other day, I saw the Mariners wearing black jerseys.  I know it makes you look tough and all, and if you have red in your team colors, you get all the money from the Bloods buying up some merch, but please!  One home and one away.  That's it!  You don't like your team colors or logo, tough shit!  Not my problem.  Nolan Ryan hated pitching for the Astros in the 80s, but that didn't stop him from pitching one of his 7 no hitters, or leading the league in strikeouts or making the All-Star team multiple times.  No more "alternate" uniforms!  It's over.  Thanks for playing.
 
For as much (or as little) as I watch the Red Sox, I still hate Kevin fucking Millar.  He needs to go.  At least most Sox fans are willing to stop in-fighting about Nomar long enough to admit that he blows.  He's a $3 Million cheerleader who needs to get Bison Dele'd real fast.  As much as I'm going to miss Boston and all my friends out here when I leave next month, if he starts the "Cowboy Up" bullshit again, it's going to make it a little easier.  Fuck off Kevin, and take your KFC with you.......ass clown.
 
On Sunday, I saw the series premiere of "The Days" on ABC.  Each episode is a 24-hr span of the family's life, as told by their cynical teenage son (you can immediately see why I was drawn to it).  The father is a lawyer at a large law firm and the mother has gone back to work for an advertising agency.  His older sister is a senior in HS, a homecoming queen and star of the soccer team.  His younger brother is a boy genius going to private school.  They really set up the series in this first episode.  The father quits his job and the mother finds out she's pregnant.  The same day, the sister finds out that she got knocked up, and the younger brother has a panic attack in the middle of his test at school.  And the narrator gets into a fight with the sister's boyfriend and is suspended for two days.  They've pretty much left themselves a lot of stories to run with here.  On a side note, "Nip/Tuck" remains as one of the greatest shows on television.  And I'm looking forward to the series premiere of "Rescue Me" with Denis Leary on FX tonight.
 
The Random Shout Out goes to Nicky Gillett in San Fran.  Even though she roots for the Giants, she still hates Barry Bonds and will admit in any baseball debate that he is a douchebag.  She's been spending her summer working 12 hrs a day, interning with a PR Agency and teaching little bastards how to swim.  That in itself is admirable.
 
Happy Birthday to Bill Gioia, Alan McNamara and Laura Hirshfield.
 
Lewis Black's latest "Back in Black" from "The Daily Show" all about the Republican and Democratic National Conventions is hysterical.  Check it out on the Comedy Central website.
 
In Steve Radochia's list of Top 5 musicians he'd sleep with, Sheryl Crow made the list over Jessica Simpson.  This is something I will never be able to comprehend.
 
The other day, Sami and I were extremely bored and played LIFE.  Sami's career was "Entertainer," which he immediately interpreted to mean "Porn Star."  A LIFE tile said that he wrote a bestseller, which Sami claimed was his autobiography called "The Loadman Cometh."  Yup, these are my roommates... 

The Great White Hype really needs to be released on DVD. 

The Year-End Video, encompassing 4 years at BU, is still in the works. 

Blazing Saddles was being shown on ABC Family the other day.  Apart from bleeping out all the obscenities and racial slurs, they also completely muted the campfire farting scene.  I'm not really sure why farts need to be bleeped?  But then again, the FCC has their foot so far up Howard Stern's ass for lesser things.  It's been 30 years since Blazing Saddles was made, and since there's no original scripts in Hollywood, I thought it'd be funny to cast that movie for a remake.  Chris Rock would be great as Bart, and maybe even Billy Bob Thornton as Jim (the Waco Kid).  But if they're bleeping farts on TV, there's no way that movie would ever be made.  The MPAA would shit a brick. 

But then again, what do I know?