Ramblings...

Welcome back everyone...thanks for making the trip. Let's see who fed it and who ate it this week...

Perhaps the funniest moment from the Yanks-Sox series at Fenway Park was watching Hideki Matsui and Kevin Millar chatting at first base. I'd love to know what they were talking about, considering neither of them has a firm grasp on the English language...

Ichiro has nearly reached George Sisler's record for hits in a season. Does it bother anyone else that nobody has mentioned that Sisler did it in 154 games as opposed to the 162 games that Ichiro has? And no, I'm not saying this just because he's Japanese. I'm just saying that it should have been mentioned somewhere along the road...

The 50th Anniversary issue of Sports Illustrated had one of the coolest, most amazing covers that I've seen. And the issue itself was pretty awesome. On a side note, every issue of ESPN: The Magazine that I receive brings me closer and closer to cancelling it...

The Lindsay Lohan GQ is already on newsstands and I have not yet received my issue. This is getting to be ridiculous. Preferred subscriber my ass...

I might be working at my old High School as a substitute teacher. Go ahead, start the pederass jokes now...

Eight years after it was first released, I still know all the words to "Fire Water Burn" by The Bloodhound Gang. That scares me...

Song of the Moment: Billy Joel, "Only The Good Die Young," The Stranger, 1977
"They say there's a Heaven for those who will wait,
Some say it's better but I say it ain't.
I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints,
The sinners are much more fun..."

If there was one funny moment to pick out of all the hurricane footage from Florida, it had to be the interview with the one guy who said, "To hell with all this, I'm moving back north! I never lost my house because of a damn snowstorm!"

Jay Leno announced that he's leaving The Tonight Show...in 5 years! Seriously, what the hell kind of announcement is that? I mean, I'm glad for Conan O'Brien and all, but there's a lot that can happen in 5 years. For all we know, Leno's chin could get a mind of it's own and take over. What a bullshit attempt to get ratings now that his show is tanking...

Fuck the FCC! Stern still rules...

It's been a while, but I've gotta send out a Random Shout Out to Matt Martinelli. Congrats to the newest staff member of the Berkshire Eagle...

Another Shout Out to Scott Robinson...just because he's working at "TGI-fuckin'-Fridays waiting on backward ass fucks" and hating every minute of it...but here's a free plug. Check out Scotty's new blog titled "Sexually Inactive" at http://mooninitesunite.blogspot.com

A few weeks ago in church, some woman that my parents knew came up and started talking with them. I had no idea who the hell she was. But anyways, my mom said that I had just graduated from college and the woman asked the standard, "Where are you working?" question, to which I gave my standard, "I'm unemployed" response. She then says to me "Think job. You've gotta find a job." Yeah, and you've gotta find some Mentos for your rank-ass breath. Is that what I went to college for? To find a job when I got out? Ohh shit....I was wayyyyyy off....bitch...

After their Week One loss to the Stormin' Mormons, Notre Dame has gone 3-0. After that first week, I've been drinking Smithwick's Irish Ale every Friday night. I don't care if it's coincidence, I'm gonna keep it up...even after they lose. And yes, their hardest test yet will come against Purdue this weekend. But c'mon...you have no idea how happy I was when they beat Michigan...
As soon as I touch up a few minor technical details, The Year End Video DVD will be ready for production and shipment...

Jack Daniels is lowering the alcoholic content in their famous whiskey from 86 Proof to 80. Is anyone else really offended by this? On a side note, I've been essentially sober since I left Boston, with the exception of the occasional beer or cocktails. Has anyone else noticed the frequency of blog updates has gone way down? Who says there's no connection between alcohol and creative genius? Either that, or because nothing of note ever fucking happens around here...

A new Quizno's sub shop opened up in Clifton Park. That's about as exciting as things get out here. I drove by the other day and there was some poor bastard marooned on the corner of the busy intersection in a large soft drink outfit, holding a Quizno's sign. Probably not the job he had in mind when he applied for something in "advertising"...

I started watching Las Vegas and LAX on Monday nights...I'm sold on Las Vegas, but LAX still has something to prove. Tuesdays are all about Nip/Tuck, and Wednesdays are reserved for Smallville and Rescue Me. Unfortunately, Nip/Tuck and Rescue Me are almost done...this creates an awful void. I might have to actually start watching The OC in November. And seriously, don't knock Smallville until you've seen it...

I've never been excited for an episode of Nip/Tuck like I am for this week...Radochia and I have so many theories as to the identity of The Carver. We might just end up starting our own PI firm...

The other day I was watching High Fidelity and I got thinking...what were my Top 5 Dream Jobs, so long as time and history and money weren't an issue...
(in no particular order...)
1. Playboy Photographer/Columnist, 1990 to Present...
Photograph all the celebs from the mid-90s, experience the Playboy Mansion West in it's most happenin' era, and write your opinions on a wide range of topics from the past 14 years...

2. NY Yankees broadcaster, 1927-1962...
Broadcast 19 World Series victories, see Murderer's Row, the career of Joe DiMaggio, the emergence of Mickey Mantle and Roger Maris's amazing '61 season...

3. Stand-up comedian
Anyone and everyone knows this is a dream of mine...'nuff said...

4. Late Night Television Host
A show, band, and writing team to yourself, not to mention a chance to beat Leno's ass in the ratings...

5. (Still undecided...)

Ever since I left BU, I've lost touch with so many people who still go there. It's like once I left, I became dead to them. Thank you to those people who still have the time to chat...it really means a lot to me...

Special Edition DVDs of The Shawshank Redemption and The Untouchables will be released next week. I'm still waiting for The Great White Hype...

Celebrities who need to go: Will Smith, Jada Pinkett-Smith, and Ashton Kutcher. You're time is up. I'm sorry, but you just don't have anything of value to offer society anymore. Please kindly step off this cliff and allow someone else a chance to make something decent....and please take William Hung and Clay Aiken with you...

But then again, what do I know?

2004 Ryder Cup recap...Worst Loss EVER

I have no witty introduction to this blog, as I'm too pissed off for words. Let's just break it down and start passing out the blame...

The Europeans raped the United States squad 18 1/2 to 9 1/2 to reclaim the Ryder Cup. There was no magic to be cast like at Brookline in '99. Congrats to the Euros for a well played set of matches. The Americans were vacant throughout the entire tournament and they paid the price. This is also the one time every two years where I'll actually root for Tiger Woods. Let's take a look at who fed it and who ate it...

Fuck Hal Sutton, the United States "Captain." He was Captain in title only and should be hogtied and stuck with red-hot pokers, then dragged through the streets of Bloomfield Hills while wild boars rip off his nuts (What? Too much too soon?). Does anyone else think he bears a resemblance to Grady Little? Hal, you fucked up. And you can say all you want how people will scrutinize the Captain's decisions in every Ryder Cup, but you seriously fucked up...

Friday's pairing of Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson was one for the ages. Here was the #2 and #4 golfers in the world getting their asses handed to them in a brown paper bag. Mickelson and Woods have never really gotten along. So, playing in a pairing together as a team might be a bit of a stretch. Therefore, it's somewhat understandable that they were beaten handily by Colin Montgomerie and Padraig Harrington on Friday morning, 2 and 1. Woods and Mickelson were merely co-existing in the first 18 holes. So what does "Pigvomit" Sutton do in the afternoon? He pairs them up again! See, most people would see the morning "experiment" as something of a failure that didn't quite work out as planned, and would subsequently change it. Not to mention the fact that he paired up two of the longest hitters on tour together, where other pairings could have used the distance of Tiger or Phil in the afternoon. After the first two rounds, the US trailed by 5 points. I wish it ended there...

Sutton needed to light a fire under their asses. The Euros played as a team. On every hole they walked down the fairways together, lined up each others putts, and played like teammates. They were like a family on the links. They cheered each other on, offering help and guidance for each stroke in each match.

On Saturday morning...a gleam of light! Hal Sutton abandoned his standard breakfast of retard sandwiches. Mickelson? Benched! Amen! Mickelson fucked up and decided to change clubs two weeks before the Ryder Cup. And it showed all weekend. Hal Sutton grew a pair of balls and benched Golden Boy for the morning matches. The US, again riding the shoulders of the Jay Haas - Chris DiMarco pairing took 2 1/2 of 4 points that morning. Tiger Woods and Chris Riley proved to be the surprise of the morning, winning 4 and 3. Woods and Riley played great golf, and appeared to be having a genuinely good time on the course.

Riley claimed that he was too "emotionally drained" and felt that he could not play in the afternoon matches. "Emotionally drained?" Listen, the Ryder Cup happens once every two years and one could equate this to being the Olympics of Golf. If a manager tells you to go out and pitch the 8th inning after already pitching seven in a must-win situation, you play. Where's the heart? Where's the guts? Sorry Chris, but grow a pair of fucking balls. Woods was then paired with Davis Love III and the pairing eventually lost 4 and 3. No heart. No teamwork.

Sunday was yet another clusterfuck with the US jumping out to an early lead. The trophy was all but in the hands of Europe, who needed a mere 3 points in 12 matches to retain the Cup. Applaud Tiger Woods for jumping out on top of Paul Casey to set the tone and emotionally charge the crowd. Jim Furyk and Chad Campbell finally played some fucking golf for the first time all weekend. Blame assholes like Mickelson, Fred Funk and David Toms for being vacant throughout the matches. And give credit to the Euros for bringing top-notch golf to the tournament, playing as a team instead of 12 individuals.

Needless to say that things continued poorly for the US, and they were subsequently forced to watch the Euros celebrate on the 18th green. I hope it hurt the players to watch that. They were all forced to go back to their luxury suites and private jets and feel shame.

Then leave it to that fat-fuck Roger Maltby to do post-match interviews on the 18th green. He pissed me off earlier in the week asking every player the same question after Friday's first matches: "So, (insert golfer name here), this seems kinda likes shades of The Belfry from '02, huh?" Mix it up a little bit, you Douchebag! Now, with champagne spraying in the air, Maltby asked American players, "What does it feel like to watch the other team celebrate?" Well, Roger, let's see...bend over and I'll show you! Fuck him...shit-ass hack commentator who can't see his feet.

Just like at The Masters, any broadcast journalism major interested in sports can enjoy the packages that Jimmy Roberts cut for the Ryder Cup. Fantastic job writing to pictures, telling the story, and just making it fun to watch...

I just hope that Lee Westwood watches some of the Ryder Cup footage and decides to invest a little of his money on dental surgery. Them chompers is beasts!

European player most likely to be gay: Miguel Angel Jimenez. Get a haircut you freak!

And isn't it about time that we keep Curtis Strange away from the US team at all costs? I mean, it's bad enough that he cost the US the '95 Cup as a player and the '02 Cup as a Captain, but now we've gotta worry about him jinxing the rest? Please, someone take him far, far away.

As far as the teams are decided, I'd like to know how some players make the team. I'm sure there's an explanation if I really wanted to dig deep enough, but I don't. Needless to say, I question how players like Fred Funk and David Toms made the squad. I don't care what you did a year ago, what have you done for me lately? Get players who are playing well at the moment. I wouldn't have minded seeing someone like Todd Hamilton on the team, the player who won the Honda Classic and the British Open in '04. I'm just interested in knowing when the fuck Fred Funk last won something. The 48 year old is considered the "most accurate driver" on tour. But let's face it: he sucked balls. Kenny Perry had 3 wins in '03, but none in '04 and is a Ryder Cup rookie at 44 years old. Sorry, but again, what have you done for me lately? Herb Brooks waited until the last minute to finalize cuts for the 1980 Olympic team, and that seemed to work out pretty damn well. Maybe we should go with that plan.

And isn't it about time that we consider the Fiji Islands as part of America? At least we could snag Vijay Singh. Or how about Mike Weir, the left-hand Canadian?

I suggest that whoever is Captain in '06 had better get on the ball early. Get your team in order and figure out pairings that will work. Brooks didn't have the best players on his team, but those who could play well as a team. Figure out who will play the best as a team with the players who are designated. And it's time for there to be 8 players determined by numbers and 4 Captain's picks. Give the Captain more freedom to choose who will best round out his squad.

But then again, what do I know?

Ramblings...

Welcome back everybody. Let's see who fed it and who ate it this week...

Thanks to everyone for their positive feedback on "The Big Goodbye" and I'm sorry to those of you who started crying while reading it...

Why didn't I bring a porn star to my Senior Prom? Something like that is legendary. What was wrong with me for not thinking of this sooner? And why the hell am I thinking about it now, 4 years later? Instead, I have to plan on doing this for my 20-year reunion...

Everybody is coming out with porn star names. Ryan (The Mad Mexican) is using Dildo T. Baggins. Jay has chosen Pee-Wee Sperman. For a while, Sami was going with "The Loadman," but now he wishes to be known as Fellatio del Toro. I'm still trying to decide on mine, but I think it will be something along the lines of Reginald Longfellow or Bagger Pantsless...

I've always wanted to make people laugh, and after dropping my resume tape off to WTEN, I'm sure that they spent the 10 minutes they were watching it in tears...

I left Boston on a Friday. Dan and Sami had one of the most amazing nights I've heard of the Saturday right after. They began by knocking down a few blue bowls at Cactus Club. The blue bowl taste is indescribable...it's kinda like a boozed up Hawaiian punch, but you can't taste the alcohol. To quote Drunken Sami, "It tastes like blue." Steve bet them that they couldn't drink it in under 15 seconds. They did, followed by a few more. Afterwards, they went to Whiskey's with Matt and Hammer and two well-endowed friends where they drank more. Later, they saw a four-on-four street brawl in the middle of Boylston Street on their way to Daisy Buchanan's. At Daisy's, they saw Jeremy Roenick and his gaggle of hotties just hanging out. And they capped off the night by playing poker until 4 AM. I think on that Saturday, I fell asleep on my couch watching whatever shit was on HBO. I miss Boston and the Goodfellas...

Dan and I were talking about how if we had the means (i.e. shitload of money), we'd buy the Dugout, renovate it, and turn it into a hotspot on campus. If there's one thing that Dan and I know, it's what makes a good bar. Imagine "The Dujeau" being a popular hangout. Plus, we'd never really have to leave BU. Please contact me if you have money for this endeavor, especially if you're not concerned with getting any of it back...

Applying for jobs around home goes against everything I've said about getting out while I'm young. So if I get a TV job back here, all I want out of it is to be recognized by Hooters girls when I go for a beer and wings. I think that's about as good as things could get around here. And once I tell them that I live with my parents...that'll seal the deal...

Best of luck to everyone heading back for another year at BU...

After you graduate from BU, you have a few months and they kill off your e-mail account. The Alumni Department allows you to set up an account for e-mail forwarding, but it's still a bitch to swap all your contacts and transfer any saved messages over, etc. The best part of the Alumni e-mail they sent out was when they say how "most of you will already have a new e-mail address provided by your employer." Yeah, everybody except for the broke-ass, unemployed COM Graduates who can't get jobs because of all the shit-ass COM equipment we were forced to use. Assholes...

All that's left of me at BU now are empty barstools and memories...

Song of the Moment: Dropkick Murphys, "Bastards on Parade," Blackout, 2003
So come all you losers, you bastards and cheats,
Vagrants and barflies out in the street.
Follow the path to salvation, vindication awaits.
We're marching on East Broadway Street tonight...

Today I was watching The Godfather. One of the funniest scenes in that movie has to be the 30 seconds during the wedding where the old man who can barely stand up is singing the song in Italian. No idea what it translates out to, but it's just so damn funny. On a side note, I think that whenever DeVita gets married, it'll look something like that. Except instead of going to the office to ask the Don for a favor, everyone will be sneaking away to play poker...

Fuck the FCC! Stern still rules...

The 2004 Olympics are in the books. A stellar job by the US Men's Basketball team, if I may say so myself. What a bunch of fuckin hacks. They lose to Puerto Rico, and Team Captain (and resident thug/HNIC) Allen Iverson says that it's ok, and they've just gotta regroup. It's ok?? It's the third US Men's Basketball loss in 70 years! It's not just OK. What a Goddamned disgrace. Every member of that team should be shot, castrated and refused entry back into the US. And another thing...it's time to end all the "Dream Team" bullshit. There was one fucking Dream Team, and they played when I was 10 years old. Jordan, Bird, Magic, Barkley...they averaged 33 points more than every other team. And I know that the Euros are playing more hoop now, but still, what a fucking sham. No more "Dream Teams." When I think of a Dream Team, I want to think of Michael Jordan and Larry Bird, not fucking Amare Stoudamire and Dwayne Wade. And by the way, you know that if there wasn't a black guy on the team, it'd be racism...but no white guys? That's just basketball...

There's all this talk around sports about steroids. First it was Major League Baseball, now the Olympics. Why hasn't anyone talked about testing Women's Tennis? I mean, seriously, the Williams sisters are looking manly enough that Eddie Murphy is starting to get interested. But then again, he'll probably just claim he was giving them a ride home...

Rumor has it that Kobe Bryant has asked OJ Simpson to help him find the real rapist...

The Random Shout Out goes to Steve, the owner and operator of T's Pub, who gave me one of those really awesome black polos that all the bartenders wear. I guess he figured that maybe I deserved it, considering that I spent nearly enough to put his daughter through a year of college...

Something I'm getting tired of: political parties. The Democrats hate the Republicans, and the Republicans loathe the Democrats. Everyone is bitching about something. "It's the liberal media." "Peace is patriotic." Everybody shut the fuck up. Quit complaining. Neither side is right. You're both fucking wrong. The sooner that you realize this, the better off you are. Now quit bitching and work together to try and figure something out...

Rads brought up a great idea for the 2008 election: imagine having Morgan Freeman and Samuel L. Jackson as running mates. Seriously, what other candidate wouldn't be scared shitless of Samuel L? "Fuck you, motherfucker! I ain't gotta do shit about Social Security. And no I can't stop yelling, 'cause that's how I talk! Ain't you never seen none of my movies?!"

On a related topic, I think that there needs to be a few Samuel L. Jackson DVD collections released. They could have two sets: his pre-Pulp Fiction "I only play crackheads" movies, and his post-Pulp Fiction "I am a troubled individual, sometimes militant, but trying to do the right thing" movies. One end you get movies like Coming To America, Juice, Menace II Society, and GoodFellas...the other you get Die Hard: With a Vengeance, A Time To Kill, Changing Lanes and 187. And then there's the "Samuel L. Jackson Sci-Fi Collection" with hits like Star Wars I and II, Jurassic Park, and Deep Blue Sea. But you could also have a set with his military-like roles, such as Patriot Games, The Negotiator, XXX, and S.W.A.T. Let's also not forget his Quentin Tarantino films such as Pulp Fiction, Jackie Brown, and Kill Bill 1 and 2. And I still maintain there needs to be a 2, maybe 3 disc Special Edition of The Great White Hype. That movie deserves a set all to itself...

But then again, what do I know?